How many of you have days and days or memories that you’d just like to forget? When I was seventeen, I made a list of hopes and aspirations for my life. They ranged from getting a tattoo, to kissing the Blarney Stone, to getting married in a church, to raising my kids in faith. It was full of silly things and important things. There is one, however, that falls under both categories. I hoped to someday sit on my back porch, while watching the sunrise, and look back on my life with no regrets.
Both strong and silly.
I find that a strong aspiration because as a seventeen year old it means I hoped to have enjoyed life and made perfect decisions, but as naive seventeen year old who knows nothing of the world, it was such a silly aspiration.
I am human after all and bound to make mistakes. So yes, even only a few years later, I already
have a list of pains and regrets.
Which makes me think of Groundhog Day. The movie of course. Here’s this bitter weather guy Phil reliving February 2nd over and over and over again until he learns and changes heart… only then can his life can move forward and he finds joy.
Because we are human, we often live our regrets. They haunt us with “if onlys…” and “what ifs…” and we can drown in our past by letting our present and future turn into a dark and cold winter.
But what if, for once, we stopped reliving them? What if, instead, we focused on those good and beautiful days that eventually followed, that perhaps would not have happened if we hadn’t had those difficult seasons?
My devotion this morning struck a nerve… it read “Several years ago I went through a season in which my future was up in the air. My anxiety was so high at times, I could hardly pray. Eventually I got through that difficult time. But I learned an important lesson along the way that I cling to whenever another tough season comes along: Christians are not exempt from difficult seasons in life. We can expect them regularly.” It went on to talk about how God is a healer, not a genie, and that we cannot expect preferential treatment from God, as if he owed us our health and well-being in exchange for faithfulness. But instead, to trust and love Him.
Those difficult, winter seasons will always plague us, and we will make mistakes and have regrets. But if we didn’t then we would never grow in faith or heart. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, But God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
There was a season about a year and a half ago that brought a painful valley for me, but as I keep growing in faith, I keep seeing how God used that year to discipline me. I had to learn that the my world wasn’t, nor will ever be perfect, and had I not gone through that season, I would not have been able to experience the beautiful days of the past six months nor live the joyful days that are ahead of me. Granted, I still feel like I am at a place where my future is up in the air, and there are many days I find myself anxiety ridden. But I am learning to trust.
So perhaps instead of reliving those “if onlys…” and “what ifs…” I should be reliving the beautiful and joyful. As the literal winter always breaks way into summer, so will my days.
For me, that day was August 12, 2009. A simple dinner with an old friend that turned out to be the peace that God had prepared me for. Had I never gone through a broken heart, I would not be capable of the love God has given Casey and I. There is one moment from that dinner when he inquired about my future, looked into my eyes asking me to stay that I will never forget. It was the moment my heart began fully trusting God because I knew He had just revealed my sunshine.
This then is the beautiful and joyful day I would relive for the rest of my life.
What if your world was turned into a time loop and you found yourself reliving the same day, what beautiful and joyful day would you choose?
“When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.”
-Phil, Groundhog Day
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